Friday, June 05, 2009

Clouds in my coffee

It seems somewhat comforting that the morning hasn't gone smoothly. Nothing seems to ever go as planned. That's the only thing I can count on: chaos. 

Vaughn had woken up and was talking to herself. Vance, of course, was already up and watching a TV show. I was done uploading pictures to post, had chicken baking in the oven, done with one cup of coffee. Perfect.

Then I heard a beep. Daisy comes running downstairs, shaking. It's a beep from one of the smoke alarms upstairs. I go upstairs to wait and listen and detect that it's the one on the cathedral ceiling in the loft. Daisy has already pooped in the house at this point because she's so scared. I clean that up, Vaughn is crying in her crib at this point, and I'm trying to remember about the chicken in the oven. 

Extension ladder! Have to back the car out of the garage first. Vance hears this and gets upset because he thinks I'm leaving without him. Calm him down and wrestle the big-ass extension ladder. Maneuver it through the house with only a couple of dings on the wall, get it upstairs, move the couch to make room for it and decide that it's too big for the job. Take chicken out of oven. 

Vaughn is screaming now because this is all happening outside of her room and she can see me. I send in Vance to try to calm her down. I go get the normal ladder to see if that can work. Get back upstairs to hear that Vance has turned on Vaughn's radio to static and is sitting calmly in her rocking chair playing his Leapster. Turn radio to music, happened to be Carly Simon, threw some toys in Vaughn's crib, and grabbed the dust buster because the ladder was covered in mulch that needed to be vacuumed off the white carpet. 

I could touch the top of the smoke alarm with my finger tips when standing on the highest step. I curse my genes for not making me taller. One more inch and I'd have it. I run to put tennis shoes on, it helps a little. I finally get the thing unscrewed and get the new battery in. 

Good Lord, I'm spent. 

Today is going to suck. I haven't told Vance yet. We're taking her in at 4:15 today, so I get to think about it all day. By looking at Daisy last night you can really tell that she's struggling. Her back legs are so weak. It's hard for her to stand. I tried brushing her, but her legs just tire out. It's hard to see her like that. She's such a fighter. She'll start by standing, then squatting, then will reposition herself in a new standing position instead of just sitting or laying down. She still loves to look out the front windows. She's there right now, barking at the cars and people walking past. She's always loved to sit and look outside. 

I'm upset that her first owner abused her. Kept her locked in a cage. Daisy's teeth have always been a mess because she chewed on her cage. Since she was never let out of her cage she's scared of everything. Even the outside. The wind scares her. Her tail hitting the wall scares her. She's come quite a long way since we've had her. She likes to be outside, but never calm enough to lay in the grass or anything like that. She never learned how to play and that's sad too. Fetch was out of the question. She'd chase a ball, but never brought it back. She'd play tug of war a little too. 

Daisy has been such a good dog. She's been our constant in a somewhat crazy life. We're all going to miss her so much. I'm unsure of what I believe about the afterlife. I don't know where she's going and am upset that I can no longer be there to protect her. Daisy's always scared and I don't want her to be scared and alone. I know she's only a dog, but to us, she's part of our family. 

This post is way too long. But it's for me. I want to say so much more but don't have the time. Of course, Vance is bored and Vaughn has pooped. 

7 Responses to “Clouds in my coffee”

  1. so sorry that your having a rough start to what is already promising to be a difficult day!
    I said a little prayer for you today and hope things go as well as possible with explaining all of this to the kids.

  2. So sorry about your pup. I thought about you guys on the way home with our pup last nite. Good Luck.

  3. Anonymous12:41 PM

    Just want you to know I am I am crying right along with you. I feel Daisy will be going where Ali is which I hope is in a much happier place. Maybe they'll hook up and play together! Daisy wasn't able to overcome some of her quirks because of her abuse, but felt I'm sure, to be the luckiest dog alive to be chosen by you two. She gave you much joy as you gave to her and for that you both won. Even after three years now there's hardly a day that I don't think of Ali. She will be always in my heart as Daisy will be in yours and for that we can be grateful we had something so beautiful in our lives. Love Mom

  4. We'll be thinking of you all today and the days to come. She sure will be missed.....

  5. Have been thinking about you all day. Your post is wonderful...except that I'm crying reading it. Love you all...

  6. I am so sorry about Daisy. We've put down 3 pets and it is never easy. That was the main reason after we put down Bisquit (even though that dog hated me!) I didn't want another pet and yet here I am with two dogs...UGH. It's hard, they are such a big part of your life and give you so much love. I have been thinking of you guys all week and the dread you were facing for yesterday afternoon. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Just know you are in my thoughts and YES I believe all dogs go to heaven! Daisy is with Ali and she has no pain and isn't scared anymore. Love each other and take care.



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